Wow. We’re already nearing mid-July. Where does the time go?! I hope your summer is awesome so far. :)

Summer has kept me super busy but it hasn’t kept me from my workouts. Roger and I are still doing the StrongLifts 5×5 workout but I think we’re nearing the end of it, for us. It’s starting to feel like it’s time to start something new but I really appreciate what this program has been doing for me. It’s gotten me passionate about lifting again and it’s made me stronger inside and out.

I have nothing but great things to say about the program. I have blasted through previously set personal bests when it comes to every lifting exercise in this program – with the exception of flat bench press.

My previous bests:

Flat bench – 100# (currently at 75#)
Squats – 90# (currently at 120#)
Overhead Press – ?? (currently at 70#)
Bent Row – ?? (currently at 65#)
Deadlifts – 130# (currently at 155#)

*These previous bests were set several years ago (probably around 2010-2011).

I’m definitely most excited about where I’m at with deadlifts. One hundred fifty-five pounds is significant to me because it’s more weight than I am. I literally picked myself up off the ground…and then some.

It was HEAVY.

At first I thought my torso was trying to separate itself from my legs but I felt so powerful when I was done.

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I know it’s not 335#… but still, I didn’t pee! ;) I ♥ DLB.

I will totally admit that making super scrunchy faces was an absolute necessity to pick all 155# up off the floor. After I finished my 5th and final rep, I stood there for a second feeling really proud of myself before letting go of the bar and letting it crash to the floor.

It felt amazing!

A bit of reflection

This year has been tremendously tough. If you’re familiar with this blog you know I was diagnosed with clinical depression at the age of 16. If you’re new here, now you know a little history. :) While I’ve been able to manage it fairly well for the last few years, I will freely admit that it came back in full force in 2015.

It began with the loss of our loving and loyal bulldog Diesel on January 5th of this year (he was 11). His passing devastated us. Then on April 7th I lost my stepdad. He and my mom weren’t married anymore and we didn’t have a super tight relationship as of late, but I grew up with him and lived with him, and he is the father of my youngest sister and my stepbrother. His health had been deteriorating but his passing at that time was completely unexpected and shocked everyone. He was 47.

I just watched the latest episode of the The Real Housewives of Orange County and it was the episode where Vicki loses her mom and I bawled when she screamed out, “who is going to take care of me, who is going to worry about me” To me, that’s how the loss of a parent feels. It’s devastating. When I lost my stepdad, it felt like I lost someone who was fighting for me. It felt like I had one less soldier fighting for me. It’s a scary, lonely feeling.

These two events sent me into a wicked tailspin. It felt like I was free-falling back into hell and it felt like everything I’d try to hold onto on the way down, to prevent my fall, would break as I tried to grab it. It was like I knew what was coming and couldn’t prevent it. I couldn’t save myself. I knew depression had come back to haunt me. At this point I’m thinking it never really left, I’ve just learned how to live with it.

Lifting heavy is what started my mental and physical transformation in 2008. It’s why this blog exists. A few weeks back I made the decision to start lifting heavy again. For my own sake. If it helped me before, it can help me again and it has. I know I have a long way to go again but both my body and my mind seem to respond to that physical pressure I’m putting on myself and I’m getting stronger for it. I’m starting to feel like myself again.

Roger and I have been working out together in the evenings after work and it’s helped me so much to have him there with me. It’s how we started this fitness thing in the first place and it feels like home again. It’s a familiar place where I feel supported beyond belief. Roger has been my rock. (I love you!)

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***switching gears just a tad***

One thing I hope to accomplish is doing regular cardio – ugh, such a necessary evil. We’ve started to incorporate playing soccer together to make it a bit more fun. I played soccer for 8 or 9 years as a kid (usually spring and summer seasons) and I actually quit after the spring season in 10th grade. I was going through a lot at the time and decided I was done. I wish I had continued playing. I wish I had used that as my outlet instead of smoking, drinking and drugs. If I knew then what I know now, I like to think I would’ve chosen the former but I guess I wouldn’t be where I am today without my past. It’s hard to embrace it though.

My stepson is the first in our family to play soccer and watching him and the women in the Women’s World Cup soccer tournament these last few weeks has reminded me how much I love the game and also how much I miss it. I’ve got a Julie Johnston jersey on order from my awesome husband and I can’t wait to rock it!

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At the fields :D

Now that I’m up to 853 words, I suppose I should stop for now. I wanted to post a little update and share a few honest thoughts with you. Now it’s time to get ready for the day and take my boys to go see Minions!

Talk to you again soon,

Mindi

xoxo

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