I’m finally getting around to posting part II of my Lexapro diary. The first two weeks were rough and you can read more about that here. I’ve been on the Lexapro generic Escitalopram for a little over 3 full months now and I’m finally beginning to feel normal.

Contrary to my previous experiences with antidepressants, I don’t feel like I’ve lost any passion for the things I love and I don’t feel numb. I still cry when I’m sad, I still laugh when I’m happy and I still have resting bitch face with a slight scowl – I can’t help it! I have been pleasantly surprised by how much this medication has helped me. At this point I don’t know how long I’ll be continuing medication, though a significant portion of my family is on antidepressants pretty much for life. If that’s what it takes for me to function like a “normal” human being, I’m okay with it.

Here’s what I’ve been experiencing since week 2:

Day 15: Fri/Sat

10 mg at night + 50 mg hydroxyzine
Very angry skin (red, painful, inflammatory acne – mainly on right side now)

Day 16: Sat/Sun

10 mg at night + 50 mg hydroxyzine
Noticeably calmer skin

Day 17: Sun/Mon

10 mg at night + 50 mg hydroxyzine
Felt pretty well; tired by early afternoon again

Day 18: Mon/Tues

10 mg at night + 50 mg hydroxyzine
Felt NO physical side effects

Day 19: Tues/Wed

10 mg at night + 50 mg hydroxyzine
Was up by 4 am but I think that has more to do with the time change than anything else

Day 20 through Month 2:

20 mg at night + 50 mg hydroxyzine
Woke up with a similar panic attack I felt on day one but this one was a LOT more mild compared to that one. I haven’t experienced any ill side effects with the Escitalopram (Lexapro) since.

Months 2 and beyond:

20 mg at night + 50 mg hydroxyzine for sleep
Hydroxyzine was not working for me for anxiety because it made me way too sleepy. I’d take a full capsule and just feel like crashing within 20 minutes. I even tried a 1/2 capsule but still felt way too tired.
Ativan is introduced at this time. I continue to take this on an as-needed basis only. I’ve had it for almost 2 months now and rarely feel the need to take it. Also, I don’t see it becoming at all habit forming for me – though do use caution with this or any other benzodiazepine!
Began to feel negative sexual side effects and was prescribed bupropion (Wellbutrin) which seemed to help after about a week.
Skin has noticeably calmed down but acne sure did flare up in the beginning! Huge painful red bumps that lasted forever. I’m still waiting for the redness of a few small scars to fade away but I haven’t been dealing with any huge flare-ups or painful bumps. Thank you, Jesus. For real.
I still have trouble sleeping on my own. I experience a lot of anxious thoughts at bedtime so for now I will continue to take hydroxyzine or Ativan. Every now and then I try sleeping without “assistance” but it hasn’t stuck yet. I know it will again at some point.

I’ll leave it at that for now.

There’s not really anything more to say at this point. I like my antidepressant/anti-anxiety medications and they like me. I know all of that can change at any given moment so I’m enjoying the way I’m feeling now.

I feel and know in my heart that I’ve been making tremendous progress during the past few months.

I’m excited to be blogging again and as always, thank you for reading.

fam